Update from my last blog. I have started the process of finding a therapist. I could not stop thinking about it from my last blog. Something inside me is telling me that this is the right move to take. This blog has been a tremendous help to my mental health. However, I still have some specific and personal questions that I feel like only an outside source would be able to help me answer. There have been a few moments that have led me to trying therapy again. One of them is all of the overwhelming emotions from the past three years. Another one is being a therapy based field and realizing it could also help me as well. The final one is jiu jitsu. Sounds corny but to me, this is tee biggest reason.

Last summer, I told my friends we should do yoga over the summer to work on mobility. One of our other friends brought up the idea of jiu jitsu. Total opposites. Our two other friends are coaches and black belts so they could not only keep an eye for us, but hook us up. I am not naturally athletic and have never done a martial art so this was a whole new world to me. A general class is an hour and half. The first hour you learn some type of combination that builds off of each other. The 30 minutes after are rounds or situational. You are basically trying to apply what you have learned in class to a real scenario. For the first few classes, I did the first hour. Then one day I tried to do a round with someone and it was when I realized “holy shit-this is awesome.”

When I am in class, it’s a place for me to take a break from the mundane schedule of life and to learn something new. Now that I am working from home now, it is also a way for my extroverted self to get out into the world. My class and coach will never know how grateful I am that they are simply, well, there. Jiu jitsu is also one of the hardest things I’ve had to learn. You are literally fighting for your life and joints. It has also made me reflect on my overall health and makes me want all aspects of my health to align with and work with one another. Physical for being able to move quicker and use correct form to complete submissions. Mental because I’m not thinking about anything else besides class. Emotional because I feel proud of myself for learning something new. I’ve been doing it for around 6 months and I fucking suck. And I am SO glad that I do.

I’ve been learning a handful of lessons from jiu jitsu. That being bad at something and then starting to get a vague idea of what’s going on is just as, maybe even more, rewarding as if you knew something immediately. There are a thousand things that I don’t know and that it is OK. Showing up is most of the battle. Be vulnerable. There is no end point. If you’re not growing, you’re dying. And feeling proud and thankful for just being there. I’ve applied all of these lessons to my life. These are the reasons why I am going back to therapy.

Kindly, Kat