Reflection

I learned a lot in my 20’s. From 20-23, I was out of high school and going to community college. I fell into a program that was recommended to me by a guidance councelor. Luckily that program has led me into the field that I currently work in now. I was still dancing at the time through school. However, I had to stop to focus on my program. During this time, I also turned 21 so from less working out and more drinking/late night food, I gained around 10-15lbs. Nbd, I just bought a few bigger clothes and wore leggings 24/7 since that was the trend. At this time, I felt youthful and loved. I was still with my boyfriend from when I was 17, living at home. I was also in a place of comfort.

At 23, I was dumped. Specifically told “I don’t love you as much as you love me.” I’ve never been so crushed in my life. I was so lost after that relationship. Had no idea who I was, realized my identity was consumed in this other person. I didn’t go to the gym for 3 weeks because we went to the same gym, ate a peanut butter Cliff Bar at 2pm and one bowl of Honey Nut Cheerios at 8pm for 2 weeks so lost a lot of weight fast. Looking back, I subconciously knew that I was not going to be with this person forever. But, my relationship was the only thing that I had going on at the time and I was going to do whatever it took. I loved this person very much. However, I’m realizing I really stayed and was so devestated from the breakup was because I didn’t want to hurt my ego. And it destroyed me.

While I was on my way to finding myself again, I found powerlifting which I did specifically from 23-26. I loved it. I was getting strong, had goals and structure. Whenever you do anything new, you make tons of progress that keeps you going. In that time, I started streaming with a friend online. And that is how I met my now husband, kind of sort of the internet. We started dating when I was 25 and I did my first powerlifting meet the end of the year. I weighed in at 146lbs, 245lbs squat, 120 bench and 300lbs deadlift. It felt great.

The year I turned 26, I took a step back from powerlifting specifically. I was regularly lifting. However, things were getting serious with my then boyfriend. I started to think about us starting a life together and I was thinking about marrying him one day. This is what drove me back to school. Soo remember that program that I started at technically 19? Yeah…I technically never finished it. I had one math class to complete. Luckily, my bf’s brother was an amazing math tutor and I passed the class. That August, I started at the current job that I am at and have been here since.

Then of course, the year of 2020. I can’t believe this bullshit started 3 years ago. Gained the same 10lbs-15lbs and have still been struggling to get it off. During this year, I went back to school online and moved in with my then boyfriend. Lots of excitement and lots of chaos. We got engaged in 2021 and married in 2022…in 6 months. Our roommate also moved out in 2022 so it was the first time we were actually on our own.